So, you’ve been single for quite some time now. A long while. While you have tried to make the best of your solo status, it’s starting to get to you. Of course, you’re the outgoing, confident and interesting person that you have always been. And you’re pretty too. In short, you are an amazing person but for some reason, you just can’t nab a great guy. This week has been all about facing the truth - no sugar coating anything to make you feel good - so having faced it, I will speak it.
The one mystery that you cannot solve is why you are still single. You have put yourself out there, and indeed are not short of male attention. You have been asked on a couple of dates and maybe even pulled out a condom or two, but none of these prospects turn into anything other than forgettable names or regrettable embarrassments. I have a friend who complains that she tends to attract all the ‘wrong men’ while the ‘right’ ones do not pay her any attention.
Maybe you just came out of a long-term relationship, or perhaps you’ve never been in a relationship, whatever the case, you’re in your late twenties and chronically single. Forget about the Sex and the City single, which lasts 2-3 weeks tops. In the real world, single is serious business. In the real world, single is not remembering the last time you were in a relationship, not hearing the words “I love you” except in the movies, and having dry spells that last up to 6 months.
No matter how many self-help, relationship books you read, how many girl-power chats you have with your friends, or self-date nights you have with yourself, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that something’s wrong with you. Most of your friends are happily dating. Your girlfriend circle is getting smaller as most of them are getting married. You see ugly people trotting down the street with beautiful people on their arms all the time, until you can’t help but wonder what’s going wrong.
Am I too choosy, you ask yourself? Am I searching for perfection that doesn’t exist? But when you go through your ‘what-I-want-in-a-man list (we all have one), it doesn’t seem too picky. While you don’t want to settle for just anyone, you are keenly aware that Brad Pitt probably won’t be knocking on your door anytime soon.
Your friends tell you that perhaps you’re not ready for a relationship, whenever you bring up the seemingly impossible task of finding a partner. ‘It will happen when you least expect it to. It will find you, not the other way round.’ Their advice doesn’t satisfy you as much as it annoys you.
How do you completely ignore the fact that you’ve been without a great guy for a long time? How do you go to a bar or a party and ignore the possibilities? If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times, that standard line that you can have an exciting life as a single and that you don’t need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled. They’ll tell you a man can’t fix you, nor can he give you happiness that you don’t already give to yourself. But if we don’t need a partner to feel complete, how come the majority of humanity wants to be in twos?
Personally, I believe that being single can be a wonderful and fulfilling time in your life - but it should be a temporary condition. None of us can say that we don’t need someone to love. To tell a girl who’s been single for a while that she doesn’t need a man is only half-true; sure, she doesn’t need him, but having him would be better than not. But before you find one, rejoice in your singleness. Get out there, have fun and love yourself - and then stand back as the charging hordes of boys come running. After all patience pays, it always does.
